Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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