Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
