I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
