I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
