ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
