Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
