a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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