I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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