i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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