so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
