I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
