Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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