i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
