Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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