JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
