If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
