Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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