and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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