haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
