Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
