Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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