pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
