I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i barfeds in our rink
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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