Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
