I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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