Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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