apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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