there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
