Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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