Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
