I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
