Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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