I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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