i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
