I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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