If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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