If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
