Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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