Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize