we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
