he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
