My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize