are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
