I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
