This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
