That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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