fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize