Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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