You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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