Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
