Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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