dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
