can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
