just tell him i said nine months
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
