Tell her she can't have a vagina
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My cat gives me a boner
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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