in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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