I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
