I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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