It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
