you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
